I am not working today.
It's not necessarily a "vacation" day, it is a full-on mental health day.
You see, I knew I would be a mess today.
Because I know myself.
And I know that when I'm coming up on a big, uncertain situation, that my anxiety level shoots through the roof.
And it has.
My hands are all a mess again.
I have those sores on the sides of my tongue.
And my stomach is upset.
And, Friday morning and Sunday morning, I had total crying fits.
The why:
Tomorrow, Michael and I will drive down to UVA for a very important doctor's appointment. M is seeing a specialist about constant issues he's been having with his bladder.
This is a good thing!
We have been waiting for this appointment for months! We are blessed to have a chance to see this doctor, who is a super-expert in this field.
Nothing bad is going to happen.
We are going to get some answers.
My dear husband, who has pushed through so much pain and irritation, will hopefully have some relief very soon.
But how that relief will come is uncertain.
There are options.
Some seem more stellar than others.
And I have to remember that just because I've talked to people in a similar situation, and although I'm a master Googler, I am not an expert in this field. And there are probably options out there that I don't know about.
This is not life-threatening.
But, it will likely be life-altering.
And I'm afraid of changes like that.
Even though I am kind of Superwoman.
The most important thing is that my husband is healthy.
No matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient that is for me.
No matter how unfair it is either.
Sometimes that reality really sucks.
But, it will be okay.
We will adjust.
We always do.
We can do anything, through Christ, and together.
Recently, I've really been enjoying the daily devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries.
The other day, I read this:
"God designed us to continually need Him. We gather peace throughout the day. We can ask for His peace to show us which way to turn when our instinct is to go down a dark road of sadness. We can seek His peace to cover our thought life when we want to get even or when unhealthy emotions try to take root."
Philippians 4:7 says this:
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
But, I'm learning that we have a responsibility, there. We have to seek that peace. And we have to accept it. I think I've just been expecting the Peace of Jesus to just fall down from the sky and land on top of me while I'm in the middle of trying to control everything myself, and make everything better. I think I've got a choice to make here. And I've got to stick with it.
Please pray for us tomorrow. For the appointment. And for peace. Thank you, dear friends.
5 comments:
Good luck with the appointment. Praying that you find the answers and peace. Breath deeply.
My hubby continues to have bladder issues, would love to get the name of the specialist. He's on his 4th serious UTI this year. Not good.
Hugs, Dana!! I'll try to remember to pray for peace for you.
Lately I've really been trying to step out on faith and trust what the Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I'm trusting in this promise for you and Mike too! I pray the changes that are about to come are only ones that prosper you and lead to more faith, fulfillment, and joy in your lives. As a nurse, I can only guess at what some of your options are...and if I'm right, while things will be different, I'm sure they'll be beneficial in the long run! Prayers coming your way from NC!!
Prayers for you and Michael. You know I was thinking of the two of you yesterday morning. I had a thought that maybe the two of you should write a book. What an inspiration of faith and love it would be! You are an amazing young woman with faith, love, enthusiasm, and a unbelievable will power. I can only imagine that life is not always easy but with the two of you working together with Christ you will be just fine. I will be praying for answers tomorrow. I will pray that God will give you a peace that passes all understanding. Blessings to both of you!
I will be praying for answers and peace. I am sorry you both have to deal with stuff like this. Praying you will see in a tangible way today that "in our weakness, He is made strong."
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