I like to process and it's a lot to process and my neck is tense and Michael is still asleep and Brokaw is snout snoring beside me, and I can feel it getting colder outside by the moment and I hate that.
I write run-on sentences before my second cup of coffee, just so you know. Standby for rambling.
The clock just crossed one minute over the church threshold. You know the church threshold, right? Like two minutes ago, it would have been possible to run around here like a tasmanian devil, get my husband up and dressed, throw him in his wheelchair, then in the van, swallow a bite of breakfast, and speed to church.
But now it's 8:02 a.m., and we are going to the 11:00 a.m. service.
So, I can breathe. Fire up the Keurig for another cup, and exhale here in this place, my little chunk of the internet.
Let's talk about yesterday.
It started as a bit of a struggle. I wish I skipped down the street singing Pharrell's "Happy." Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I don't. Almost always the thing that stops me is stress.
I'm horrible at letting stress run my life. Boundaries are a joke in my world. This must change. Will you pray for me as I sincerely try to let go of some things, lean into my faith, and trust God? That I will once and for all know and live in this idea of joy that is not ruined by circumstances? That what I know in my heart about being set free will float up to my brain and cut off the blood flow to that part of my brain that is constantly timing things, scheduling things, double checking things and thinking that it's totally possible for me to be in two or three places at once?
The madness needs to stop.
I know it's on me. I am the author of the madness.
I know I also have access to THE author of my life and the universe, and I need to calm it down and stop trying to run the world.
I don't have time to run the world.
I'm considering playing this video first thing every morning when I'm getting Michael up, and forcing myself to be happy.
4 comments:
A Google search of "loving life, happy blogs" brought me to yours. Kind of like flipping a book and randomly stopping and seeing if a passage speaks to me....and your blog did! I feel like my brain works similarly to yours, in that I get caught up in tasks and self induced stress, as rapid fire thoughts bombard me, then the rational side thinks.... "ok take a breath, you've got this and break it down to one moment at a time". And then I chuckle and think "easier said than done." And usually that's when I treat myself to writing a blog post and something that makes me smile.
So I just wanted to thank you for the genuine sharing of your thoughts, confusions and
desire to easing the volume. You made me smile and that always feels good. I continue my journey and count my blessings of those I meet along the way. Well wishes to you!
Ok I lost my first comment in the nether world....so it went something like this
LOL this SCI life can be-is so hard that it's better to let God rule the universe. it sounds that He has you right where he wants you to be...in His season, in His time.
the joy of my lord is my strength ... Which you know when you look 'up' at Him, and when you do, just take a seat in your 'chair of faith' and wait upon him.
Keep on writing for us all Dana - thanks for being our voice
Maria, so nice to have you here! Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm going to check out your blog! :)
And Moya, my sister, you know I love you! Thank you so much for your encouragement. Hugs.
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